My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
