oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
