Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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