i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
