I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
