He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
