i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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