Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
