Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
