Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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