There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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