3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
