i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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