omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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