I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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