Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
