the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
