dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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