I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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