FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
