I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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