if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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