We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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