im six kinds of drunk right now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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