yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
