I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
