I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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