I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
