i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
