is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
