Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it because I queefed?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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