I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
