what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
