Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
