I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
