There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
