she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
