When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
