literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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