my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
