well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
