Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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