Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
