@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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