Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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