Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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