I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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