Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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