we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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