go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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