It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
