Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize