Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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