ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
