Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
