i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
