Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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