coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize