2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
where are you?
Hypothermia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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