Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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